1) Flavored dental floss.
I don't have taste buds in my teeth, and I don't floss my tongue. So what's the point?
2) DVD players in vehicles.
Car rides were, to my parents, a great opportunity for me to learn to sit and be quiet. I mean, we could talk, but if I was bored, well, I should have brought something to read. Can't kids read anymore, or do they HAVE to have video available 24/7? No one was EVER responsible for my entertainment, in ANY situation, except ME. You never said "I'm bored" to my Mom unless you wanted to spend the next three hours pruning rose bushes.
So what parents today are doing is training a generation of people who are unprepared to WAIT without being entertained. Boy, this should make the DMV even MORE fun in 20 years. I always bring a book there, myself. Makes those three hours fly right by.
3) Reality TV.
Reality has nothing to do with any of this crap. I'll ask people why they watch it, and they'll say "There's nothing else on."
Well, is watching TV a requirement? Get a hobby! Hell, even BLOGGING is better than THAT. You know those thick paper things you see at the grocery store? They're called BOOKS. Try one, and show one to your kid!
4) Videos for pets.
Have you ever tried to get your dog to look at the dog on TV? He wouldn't, would he? The stupid shit just looked at your hand with his ears straight up. So I'm going to buy him a DVD?????
Angus wouldn't watch it, anyway. He's too engrossed in reading Le Morte D'Arthur.
5) Flavored douche.
I understand hygeine, but "wild raspberry?" If it's that bad, see your gyno and have him/her check you for BV or trichomonas or something. Or mask it with something that makes sense, like tartar sauce.
6) Scented toilet paper.
They may smell like lilacs, but they're still dingleberries.
7) Pills for male enhancement.
God gave you a tongue. Learn how to use it.
8) Prune juice.
Okay, follow me here. What is a prune? It is a dried plum. DRIED. If it's dried, how can it produce juice? What exactly distinguishes plum juice from prune juice, anyway? It's "drier"? At what exact level of dryness does one no longer say "This is plum juice" and start to say "This is prune juice"? And how come there's grape juice, but no raisin juice? And why are plums and grapes the only fruits that have different names when they're dried?
This one preys on my mind.
9) Bumper stickers that show what you support.
Let's face it, no one is FOR breast cancer, so those of you against it can stop patting yourselves on the back. And please take off those stickers from the 2004 election. Either way, you voted for a loser. Big deal if your kid is on the honor roll. If only that guaranteed that he can read and add, like it used to.
10) Most movie remakes.
Either the original is great, in which case you won't make it better, or it sucked, and you STILL won't make it better. Example: The Omen. Yeesh. Two hours of this kid whacking everyone around him, and in a stunning climax, HE GETS AWAY WITH IT, paving the way for two crappy sequels that combine to form the longest denoument in movie history. And why remake anything made by Hitchcock, Kubrick, or Capra? Those were all made right in the first place.
11) Pundits.
People used to read the news, discuss it, and form their own opinions. Now they watch a news report made up of 30 second soundbites and then let some asshole tell them how to feel about it.
12) Blogs about someone's boring day.
Wow! You do dishes???? I do dishes too!!!!!
13) Bobble Heads.
'Nuff said.
