Blogovia and the mainstream media alike have been abuzz about the comments made by Ann Coulter recently. The residents of Blogovia, having no minimum educational requirements, have been more supportive, but even that support is sparse. Finding offense with her statements is actually quite easy, requiring only half a brain and the capacity for human emotion.

While discussing it with Lou Dobbs, she said something so wrong, so vile, and so offensive, that this Troll cannot ignore it.

It appears here in this clip.

For those of you who can't watch the video, it plays out like this. Lou started off his interview by comparing her to a conservative Michael Moore, which I would call fair. After all, both are loud, single minded, and don't bother much with facts when an overly emotional assertion with no factual basis will suffice. She was highly offended, though, and said that she is more like a conservative Mencken or a conservative Mark Twain. She actually compared herself to Mark Twain.

I'm going to try to be polite and fair about this.

JUST WHERE THE FUCK DOES THIS NO-TALENT, SPITEFUL, DISINGENUOUS REPUBLICAN CUM SPONGE GET OFF COMPARING HERSELF TO MARK TWAIN???????????

Ahem. I tried. Honest I did.

There are, let us say, ample differences between the two.

First off, Mark Twain was one of the greatest literary minds America, if not the world, ever produced. He could write a bullshit story about a frog and make it spellbinding. People of all nationalities and walks of life can read his work and thoroughly enjoy it. A century and a quarter after it was written, it still has the power to captivate.

Coulter, on the other hand, has a far more limited audience, and doesn't write anything remotely charming. Can anyone reading this honestly say that they expect her to be on the shelves in 2130?

Secondly, Twain had a genuine love for Americans in all walks of life. Read his "Life on the Mississippi', for example. He didn't slander his counrtymen- he made an honest effort to understand them, and doing so, explain them to people who may not travel the way he did. Even in his later, more cynical works (and his life did provide ample reason for such) took humanity to task as a whole. He didn't single people who don't think like him out for vilification. It seemed that he could look at the worst villain and, given enough time, find something worthwhile in his character.

On the other hand, how often does Ann follow the word "liberal" closely with the word "traitor"? How many times has she just made up an unsavory position, such as "cheering" for abortions,and then attributed it to "liberals"? She has time after time demonstrated sheer disdain for half of the country she claims to love. Here's a great example:

"Not exactly smashing stereotypes of liberals as mincing pantywaists, the left's entire contribution to the war effort thus far has been to whine."

Really, Ann? I thought you supported the troops. Isn't this an insult to every service man and woman that happens to be a Democrat? I suppose there AREN'T any, since all Democrats want America to be destroyed, by her reckoning. I never read Twain putting down his own countrymen so crassly. The negative things he said about humanity he said about humanity in general, without getting into nationality or politics. I won't get into the idea that no liberal can be a Christian. I'm saving modern Christian hypocrisy for another essay.

In a related issue, I never read of Twain advocating violence against his fellow Americans. Here's Ann:

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."

"We need somebody to put rat poison in Justice Stevens' creme brulee," Coulter said in a Jan. 27 appearance at Philander Smith College in Little Rock, Ark., regarding Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens.

I also remember her saying that the only question as far as Clinton was concerned was impeachment or assassination. Suggesting assassination, even in jest, is cheaper than cheap, and in the President's case can be punishable by law. We wouldn't put her in prison, though, because the other prisoners don't deserve it. They're only criminals.

Want another? Twain's work always had an honesty about it. He might tell a big fish story, but you'd always know that it was a story. Ann Coulter will just lie to you. Look at that video for an example. While criticizing the "Jersey Girls" she says "[I]f you have a point to make, send out somebody who isn't a widow, who isn't an orphan, who didn't have a son die in Iraq, who didn't lose limbs in Vietnam to make the point so that we can respond. ... You never see conservatives doing that. Liberals are putting up human shields."

Conservatives NEVER do that? Every move the government has made since 9/11 has been justified by the 3000 dead on 9/11. It's okay to use these folks to justify whatever you want to do, as long as you aren't related to them? How many times have we been told that criticizing the war in Iraq is harmful and demoralizing to our troops?  Conservatives use the entire military as their human shield. Our military can fight for, but not withstand the use of, freedom of speech? The worst case, I thought, was when conservatives claimed that Cindy Sheehan's son was full tilt in favor of the war, and that she was cheapening his patriotism. How would they know that better than his mom would? Why isn't it cheap when people who didn't even know him use him to promote the war? Why is it that only those who have sacrificed nothing can have a valid viewpoint?

Twain's attitude always was respectful of the ideals in the Constitution of the United States. Here's Ann:

"(Liberals) are always accusing us of repressing their speech. I say let's do it. Let's repress them. ... Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the First Amendment," Coulter said during an Oct. 21, 2005, speech at the University of Florida. This was several years after she equated dissent with treason.

I'll let Mark speak for himself here:

"There are two kinds of patriotism -- monarchical patriotism and republican patriotism. In the one case the government and the king may rightfully furnish you their notions of patriotism; in the other, neither the government nor the entire nation is privileged to dictate to any individual what the form of his patriotism shall be. The gospel of the monarchical patriotism is: "The King can do no wrong." We have adopted it with all its servility, with an unimportant change in the wording: "Our country, right or wrong!" We have thrown away the most valuable asset we had:-- the individual's right to oppose both flag and country when he (just he, by himself) believed them to be in the wrong. We have thrown it away; and with it all that was really respectable about that grotesque and laughable word, Patriotism."

Now, it's true that America grants the right to be a biased, dishonest, loudmouth, hateful piece of shit to every American. But when one denigrates the memory of one of my foremost literary heroes, I will have something to say about it.

I have read - no, studied and pored over- many of Mark Twain's literary masterpieces. You, Ms. Coulter, are no Mark Twain.

You aren't even farooking Sidney Sheldon.

As a literary artist, you are not fit to fill Mark Twain's inkwell. As a debater, you are not fit to pour Mark Twain's scotch. As an American, you not fit to invoke either of his names.