One of the vital functions of parenting, I am lead to understand, is preparing the little joy bundle in question for independent, adult existence. Making sure they can make the right decisions, know how to handle adversity and strive for success, and function well in a society with certain laws and mores. To educate them in the process and requirements of being an acceptable, if not exemplary, member of a particular society. To make sure that what is expected of them is also natural to them.

Yet, when I listen to parents speaking to their children, and think back on the things my parents told me, I see that most, if not all, parents fail to do this in a fundamental way, because of something they seemingly can't help doing.

Lying.

Oh yes, people lie to their children every day, all over the world. I don't mean nice lies, like Santa Claus or "Sure you'll be pretty when you grow up". I mean things that are fundamentally untrue in the real adult world. Examples follow.

1) "You can't judge a book by its' cover".

Well, this holds true in a fashion...... appearances can be deceiving, and we can all be surprised. However, that's not usually what parents are trying to tell kids with that statement. They're trying to get their kids to be more accepting of others and not judge them by their clothes or skin or the color of their hair. They want their kids to go play with those slovenly redheaded stepchildren, get to know them, and stay out of Mom's hair while she gossips with the other moms.

Yet, as adults, we judge books by little but their covers. We don't have time to get to know everybody, and they all must be judged in some way. When you go to the mall, you can spot the trailer trash right off. When you go to see a professional, you expect him to wear a tie. Not that a tie performs any particular function that a professional requires, but just because he can't be a professional without one. Sans the tie, he's just some idiot schlub. With it, the same guy suddenly knows what he's talking about. Female professionals are spared the tie, of course, but should have on  a nice outfit and have no visible tatoos. If your OB/GYN has "Live to Ride, Ride to Live" tatooed on her neck, you just might switch, eh?

Furthermore, people will insist upon judging books by their covers in police investigations, the last place where such a tactic could be useful. How many times have people bemoaned the lack of profiling in airline security? "It's the arabs that do these things, so why are they checking people who aren't arabs? It's a total waste of time." I'm sure you've heard this one a few times.

It's stupid. It wasn't an arab that blew up the Fed building in Oklahoma City. It wasn't an arab that blew one off at the Olympics in Georgia, although it was arabs that they wasted two weeks looking for. The last time I checked, "Jose Padilla" was not an arabic name. Neither was "John Walker Lindh". Of course, arabs do blow things and people to smithereens, but to rely on that only creates an unnecessary hole in any security procedure or police investigation.

Oh, and how often does a woman who can sing well, but isn't super hot, get a shot at the top 40?

2) "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game."

Right, that's why steroid use is rampant in pro sports. That's why colleges don't always give accurate grades to their star athletes. That's why politicians regularly use any dirty trick they can to win. That's why voting districts with high populations of black people got fewer voting machines in 2004. In adult America, winning is all. Do it however you can. No one wins "Survivor" by keeping his/her word or caring about others, right?

Just yesterday I heard of a Republican who is running for Senate right now.... I forget where, but I'm thinking Virginia..... who is behind in the polls, so he's channelling Republican funds to a Green Party candidate. He hopes this will draw votes away from the Democrat who is favored, and allow him a win. Legal? Probably. I find it dispicable, though, as it disregards the purpose of an election - that is, for the will of the people to be expressed- and turns it into a manipulative excercise, so that he (and his Party, which is so much more important than the country itself) has a chance to win. Never mind winning on his merits. Odds are he hasn't any. It makes you wonder what might have happened in 2004 had the Dems been disingenuous enough to fund a Libertarian candidate.

Who cares, anyway, right? It's not as if most of us vote anyway. We have little use for it. We tend to tell our kids that it's a duty, though.

3) "Honesty is the best policy."

Right, look in the mirror and say THAT on April 14th. Dishonesty is universal in the adult world. I don't even need to go into politics with this, as dishonesty is expected and accepted in that arena. The only political lies that bother anybody are those that come from the OTHER side. Your guy never lies..... that damn media just twists things around to make it look that way. Even adults that strive to be honest with others will usually lie to themselves, at least.

Parents tell this to kids not to make them honest adults, but to keep their kids from lying to THEM. This will work for awhile, as people will always forgive a small child for being utterly tactless. As they get older, the parents will tire of the embarrassment and teach their kids about "little white lies". Lying to pull one's ass out of the griddle is usually taught by example. And let's not forget that lying is frequently "Just good business."

4) "Two wrongs don't make a right."

Remember when you were young, and "He hit me first" was no excuse? Remember when saying that would still get you punished, because you knew very well - or were supposed to - that you weren't  to hit ANYONE, regardless? And you'd always get the same old lecture.... "It takes two to make a fight."

Not in the adult world. ANYWHERE in the adult world. If Country X killls 100 innocent citizens of Country Y, then anything Country Y does after that is justified, because Country X did it first. So Country Y, when they kill 10,000 innocent citizens of Country X, is simply defending itelf, and has done no one any wrong. They can then, if they wish, march straight into Country Z. They didn't do anything, but Country Y doesn't like the way Country Z is looking at them. Besides, Country X did it first, and they're all friends over there. Meanwhile, Country X had their own axe to grind against Country Y in the first place, because they had it coming. Yeah - this is the ADULT world.

We show it in our justice system as well, although among industrial nations America is pretty much alone. I mean capital punishment, of course. We demonstrate our commitment to life by killing those we believe have killed others. I word it that way because we don't always have the facts straight in these courts of ours, and innocent people do go to jail. They also get the death penalty.This is usually no problem for the families that need closure and the lawyers that have political aspirations.

It's not all their fault, though. How many times have you heard someone say that an accused person should be executed when they haven't even been convicted yet? How many people in America honestly feel that the only thing wrong with the death penalty is the fact that the scum get a few chances to appeal it, as if they WOULDN'T if it were THEM on the chopping block? I've met people who consider the possibility of executing a few innocent people as an acceptable margin of error! They are not even slightly interested in justice..... only revenge. Again, they would feel different if it was their lives on the line.

I could probably go on forever, but I think my point is made. Of course, people will always claim that thy're trying to make their kids into better adults than they themselves are, and perhaps that's true. I think it gives us a reason - besides sheer hubris, thst is- for the fact that teenagers won't listen to adults. They've observed the adult world a bit, and figured us out.

And I am not, of course, suggesting that parents start teaching their kids the virtues of bigotry, opportunism, dishonesty, and revenge. It all makes me wonder, though.

What kind of world might we have if we held ourselves - and each other- to the same standards to which we hold an eight year old?