I was watching, for the nth time, "You Only Live Twice." I tell you, I can watch those James Bond movies over and over and over and never get sick of them. While I was watching Ol' Sean sneak into SPECTRE headquarters, I thought the same thing I always think when I watch one of these movies.

Man, Blofeld's got one hell of a place here.

I mean, it's huge. Really huge. It has it's own indoor monorail, that's how huge. I've never lived in a place that had its' own monorail.

It had gigantic laboratories.It presumably had living quarters and kitchen facilities for the hundreds of people milling around, assisting in the evil plot du jour.It had office space, bathroom facilities, recreation areas, and a sizable room from which one may malevolently launch and control an orbiting satellite. You can't do that from MY living room. Lord, have I tried.

It isn't just Blofeld, either. Scaramonga had some digs. Yanus, too. Doctor No had a decent setup, but it would require a MAJOR overhaul, decor-wise. That place was SO 1962. The comic book baddies as well-- Magneto, Modok, HYDRA, Red Skull, just to name a few-- all had these incredible fortresses that no one knew about.

That always bothered me, being the overly analytical sort. How could anyone build a five-mile-radius base of operations with all the latest in espionage equipment inside a mountain or on an island or under Hoboken without ANYONE NOTICING???? Especially in modern times, when we have satellites that can check you for colon polyps. And who does the building, anyway? How are the raw materials, such as the nuclear pile that lights the lights and heats the pirahna tank, procured? JUST WHO IS THE ARCH-FIEND'S CONTRACTOR?

And those hundreds of people milling about. Where do they come from? How does the global extortionist man his operation? They must know that something is going on, since they probably don't have much contact with their families, and may notice that those that try to leave are generally shot. I'm sure they've noticed that there's no withholding of  taxes on the pay stub. Some seem educated, especially the ones operating the nuclear pile and the orbiting rockets. Did Blofeld hold a job fair? Hire headhunters? I  imagine an underworld equivalent to the Stanton test, with questions like this-

 If I knew that my employer were trying to inflame tensions between The USA and Russia, thus beginning an age of nuclear terror, I would:

1. Do nothing, it's none of my business.
2. Share my suspicions with my supervisor.
3. Go immediately to the police, after my shift.

Well, I can't answer the question about the contractor, except to say that of all the people mentioned, he must be the most dangerous. After all, he never gets caught. How many times have Blofeld and Magneto been nailed? And every time they are, what happens? That's right-- another high-tech fortress up in smoke. Another future job for Mr. Contractor.

I can, however, guess who the scores of workers are, and so can you, if you've been watching the news.

Illegal immigrants. It has to be.

Unscrupulous people sneaking over our borders and taking jobs away from our disgruntled nuclear scientists, evil astronauts, and sinister janitors. Magneto's probably holding his job fair in Brownsville, where they're just glad to have SOMEONE leasing space at the Convention Center.

Who else could be operating these bases in such great numbers without detection? Who else would get an education and then work without benefits? Who else would give their lives just to take a stab at global extortion? No true-born American would. One might try the extortion thing, but dying for it would be far too inconvenient. He'd miss next week's "CSI."

Meanwhile, our OWN evil scientists are forced by this illicit competition to demean themselves working for organizations so evil they make SPECTRE look like the Campfire Girls. Organizations like Exxon or Merck. It's sad to see something like that happen to a MIT graduate. Meanwhile, the government's worried about the guy flipping burgers at Jack in the Box.

This is why I support tighter borders. We need to keep these folks out entirely. Let's face it, the hordes of SPECTRE aren't going to sign up for a guest worker program.

And I sincerely doubt we'll get the Red Skull to start paying into Social Security.

13 blog names I considered before choosing "Under the Bridge."

1. Joe's Super Happy Mega Fun Palace of Love and Lollipops!
2. Death to All Who Oppose Me.
3. Blog? I got yer blog hangin'!
4. Maiming and Agony to All Who Oppose Me.
5. Why You're Wrong.
6. Knockin' Down the Golden Door. (Sorry, I just couldn't resist.)
7. The Don't Say "Fuck" Blog.
8. Itching and Swelling to All Who Oppose Me.
9. The Den of Iniquity.
10. Cannery Row.
11. The Right Whinge.
12. Spooooooooooooooooooooooge!
13. Free Beer!

Jen's worded it perfectly right here. I really don't need to add anything.

Sorry, Mark. Incompetence wins. Comcast never showed up. I had a MAJOR argument with an absolutely horrible customer service supervisor, which ended in me cancelling my account.

I spoke to someone competent today, so I'm rescheduled for Wednesday. We'll see.

Monopolies SUCK!!!!!

I'm moving the big stuff to the new bridge this afternoon, then spending tomorrow moving it around and around until it looks good. I'll be incommmunicado until Monday night, if Comcast gets it done right. Longer, if not.

Place your bets now!

Question:

If you were a sauce, would you thicken as you stand? Why or why not?

Discuss freely.

Last Saturday, I saw a note from Paula challenging me to do a Thursday 13. Since I missed that deadline, I'll give it a whirl this week. So here it is............

13 movies I can watch over and over and over and never get sick of, ever. In no particular order.

1) Being There

Actually, this is first for a reason. It jumped to mind first. Peter Sellers is brilliant here, and incredibly subtle. I never fail to catch some small thing I missed the first 20-odd times I saw it. Sellers was one of the two best actors EVER.

2) The Adventures of Robin Hood

Classic Errol Flynn swashbuckler, and no one ever did them better. Technically, Captain Blood belongs here as well.

3) The Wizard of Oz

In this age of rampant remakes, this remains untouched. Why? Because even TRYING would be stupid. This film captured something sweet, innocent and beautiful that just can't be competed with. They can improve the special effects, but there is no better magic.

4) The Philadelphia Story

The movie that put Katherine Hepburn and James Stewart (the OTHER best ever) on the map. A screwball comedy that's almost too smart to be called that, with a fantastic cast rounded out by Cary Grant. This is about the only film where I also recommend the remake, a musical called High Society.

5) The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

This was difficult, as this list could easily be all westerns. The story is cool, the cinematography is top notch, but what really grabs me is the subplots- the little stories that have nothing to do with the main story, but round out Sergio Leone's portait of Civil War America. It was these vignettes that nudged Once Upon a Time in the West off the list, though I doubt I'll get sick of that one, either.

6) Goodfellas

I'm not big on Gangster flicks, usually, but I love this one. It's not only stylish, it's true. And according to the History Channel, it's pretty damned accurate as well.

7) Harold and Maude

As mentioned a week or so ago, one of my favorite cult films. A strange and darkly hilarious film about appreciating life. That Ruth Gordon was something else, wasn't she?

8) The Thin Man

Netflix just got this one to me today, and I'll watch it even though I already know who the murderer is and where the body is hidden. It's the chemistry between one of Hollywood's greatest pairings, William Powell and Myrna Loy, that makes it. Hollwood doesn't often get it THAT right.

9) Harvey

A great actor's greatest performance. Stewart is brilliant in this endearing comedy about a lush and his invisible six-foot rabbit. I can get so busy watching him that I forget to listen to the dialogue. I also have a soft spot for this one since I participated in my high school's merciless assassination of the play.

10) Young Frankenstein

No explanation is really needed, is it? You'll know the joke is coming, but you'll laugh at it anyway. Few comedies have that power. I considered Blazing Saddles, of course, but so many of the jokes are too obscure for younger audience members.

11) A Clockwork Orange

The music, the message, the ingenious direction. This movie looks like the 70's and the future at the same time. I especially love the fight against Billy Boy and his droogs, choreographed to Rossini's "The Thieving Magpie". Violent actions set to beautiful music, this scene underscores the theme of a complete person's need for his/her "darker" side.

12) Rope

Did I mention that I think highly of Jimmy Stewart? So did Alfred Hitchcock, who used him in four films. This one is a pressure cooker of suspense, shot to have the look and the flow of the play it was based on. To insure that, Hitchcock shot this in 15 minute segments, with no editing. If someone messed up in minute 14, back to the beginning!

13) Duck Soup

Unlike Young Frankenstein, you'll NEVER remember all the jokes no matter how many times you see it. This is the epitome of the screwball comedy, and mighty clever, to boot. I wish I could get away with half the crap Groucho could get away with.

Well, I guess that didn't hurt too much, even considering the fact that I accidently flushed the whole thing at #6 and had to start over. Still, it's good that these things are only monthly.

Right?

....but in the meantime, we're going to get down to the nitty gritty on this Blogthings thing....(?).......

What kind of SOUL are you??????? Here's me.

***You Are a Visionary Soul***

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/

I'm beginning to think that perhaps these quizzes aren't exactly scientific.....

***Your Monster Profile***

Undead Hunter

You Feast On: Pie

You Lurk Around In: Flocks of Freshmen

You Especially Like to Torment: Pop Stars

What's Your Monster Name?
http://www.blogthings.com/monsternamegenerator/

Jeff at Boiled Dinner (see the link to your right) led me to a site with this test. It's to see if you could pass the citizenship test. Let's face it, many people who have a birthright to American citizenship don't know SHIT about America.

Here's my results:

***You Passed the US Citizenship Test***

Congratulations - you got 9 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?
http://www.blogthings.com/couldyoupasstheuscitizenshiptestquiz/

How will YOU do?