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Tuesday, November 27, 2007
I saw this in the news today. Like the case of the woman in Saudi Arabia, this is sure to have lots of Americans wringing their hands in rightful indignation. What's darkly funny, however, is that a lot of people who will condemn this vocally (and don't get me wrong, I DO condemn it) are folks that want to see America made a "Christian nation", as they will tell you it started as, officially. Many more are supporters of the Iraq war, which is also laughable. They will tell you that this is why Islam is a "gutter religion." I say it is exactly why NO religion should be in any government whatsoever. After all, does anyone with any objectivity in the matter actually believe that if the separation of church and state were removed, that this could not happen here?
Look at the things that HAVE happened here. Slavery. Women as second class citizens. Jim Crow. The Japanese-American prison camps. The weakening of the Bill of Rights. The loss of habeus corpus, the very cornerstone of liberty. Terrorist bombings on American soil, mostly by Americans, and many by Christians. The fact is, anything, be it good or evil, can happen here. There is no such thing as "It can't happen here." People who say that are not just wrong - they are lying, and they know it. I have no doubt whatsoever that if this becomes an official "Christian nation", we'll see similar things happen here. Perhaps not flogging, but what religious country is NOT going to outlaw disrespect for their God? Do we think that the same people who get upset every year because December is not strictly about Christmas will not stick you in jail for a week or so for saying "Happy Holidays" instead of Merry Christmas? Is it so unlikely that church attendence would become mandatory? I mean, it must be what these people want. There are already laws against Biblical wrongs such as murder, theft, and perjury - those things that harm others. What else would the religious right want in tearing down this wall, if not mandated respect for their religion, and all Commandments codified into law? What other point could there possibly be to this excercise? What else do they have to gain by it? And Iraq now has a more Sharia-based government than it had four years ago, thanks to us. Sure, we saved them from Sadaam, only to turn them over to someone worse - themselves. Many of the people who claim that this is exactly what we're fighting against will miss the fact that this is exactly what we've helped to spread. So while I think that the sentence - hell, the law itself - is a travesty, I must argue against those that will see this as an example of Christianity's superiority over Islam. People are people, and religious people are religious people. If we had no separation between our government and religion, we'd have the same type of laws here. To put it succinctly, "There but by the grace of the Founding Fathers go we." I really wish more people could appreciate that. You can't run a country By a book of religion Not by a heap Or a lump or a smidgeon Of foolish rules Of ancient date Designed to make You all feel great While you fold, spindle And mutilate Those unbelievers From a neighboring stateFrank Zappa
Update: The stupidity begins at CNN.com. Go here and scroll down, looking at the right side of the screen. See the "Quick Poll"? Can anyone tell me the point of taking a poll in a non-Muslim country about what constitutes blasphemy in a Muslim country? OF COURSE very few people will see it that way HERE, you morons! The fact is they are not obligated to care what we think about it, as we don't care what other countries think of our laws. In fact, we expect people from other countries to know and obey our laws when they are here, do we not? We don't make exceptions for laws that these people consider ridiculous. When an American was to be caned in Singapore for graffiti about 15 years ago, most Americans had no problem with it. Go there and break their laws, you deserve the punishment, they said. Many said that America should be more like Singapore. Corporal punishment gets results, they said. Well, how many of those same people will have that same attitude about THIS law? Very few, I'd wager. After all, the Singapore thing was about damage to property. This is only about disrespecting someone else's God on their own turf.
Posted at 08:47 am by Joe_the_Troll
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Thursday, November 22, 2007
Trolling the Underground : Alice's Restaurant.
 I was thinking about this song today, as I do every Thanksgiving. If you don't know why that is, you need professional help - the help of a professional CD retailer, that is. Alice's Restaurant is both a folk and a protest classic, and in many homes a Thanksgiving tradition. The song is based on a true event in Arlo's life, and on real people and places as well. There was an Alice, she did live with her husband in an old church, and she did have a restaurant, although it wasn't called "Alice's Restaurant." Eighteen year old Arlo and his friend WERE busted for illegal dumping on Thanksgiving, 1965. While Arlo exaggerated liberally, the tale has still endured for 40 years as a folk favorite and anti-war anthem. So I wasn't surprised to see a torrent available today that was entirely composed of underground versions of Alice's Restaurant. This torrent is a testimony to Arlo's uncanny ability to ramble on and on in the most entertaining manner, even when you can tell he really isn't rambling toward any particular destination. There were a total of four, ranging from 1966 to 1984, and there are two that I think you should hear this year. Don't worry - it won't be redundant. Not at all.  This is the church in Mass. where Alice lived with her husband. Note the bell tower to the left .I've chosen these two versions because they not only sound great, being FM versions, but also because each one will be a new listening experience for you no matter how many times you've listened to the album. And I mean a new experience. The first comes from Gerde's Folk City in NYC (in fact, this might be a soundboard recording rather than an FM recording, I don't know) sometime in 1966. That puts it a year before the album was released, and it is very obvious that the song was still in the development stage. In fact, the elements that we would consider the main parts of the story are missing entirely. What the song consists of, mainly, is a far greater elaboration on another element that you will know from the album, and I think you'll be very surprised to hear what element it was that dominated the early version of the song. At a mere 13:33, it's about 5 minutes shorter than the studio version also. You can get it right here.The second is from The Bob Fass radio show in May of 1967, just three months after Arlo played a more faithful rendering of the song on the same show. This is entirely different from the first or the official version. First, this version has piano accompaniment, which changes the entire texture of the song. With just a guitar, it is a very folksy song, but the jangly piano in the background brings an aura of New Orleans honky-tonk that changes the face of the familiar tune completely. Not only that, but the story is entirely different.This is, in fact, sort of a sequel to the original story. It's called Alice's Restaurant Multi-Colored Rainbow Roach Affair, and is a bizarre story involving the restaurant, brightly colored insects, and cold war espionage. It's only three seconds longer than the 1966 version. It has to be heard to be believed. Hear it here.Of course, we know what Arlo was smoking when he came up with it, right? The other two versions I downloaded were much more faithful to the album, although one has plenty of improv in it and comes in a almost 25 minutes. Maybe I'll post that one next year. For now, what do those of you who know the song think of these two alternate takes? You have the floor.  Arlo was John Travolta before being John Travolta was cool.
Posted at 03:37 pm by Joe_the_Troll
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Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Trolling the Studio : The Esher Tapes
 I was scratching my head, a little dumbfounded as I pored over my list of underground recordings. While I've had two people refer to it as a "library" due to its size and variety, I had found a glaring hole in the collection. I sat and wondered how I had managed to amass a collection of almost 1500 entries without a single Beatles bootleg. I set out to rectify that oversight immediately. And rectify I did. I find it mildly surprising that stealth recordings exist for a lot of their shows, since the shows themselves were so long ago. It's likely that these recordings were made with reel-to-reel decks, and one has to admire the guy who can sneak one of those into a venue. I'm amazed that boots from the Cavern Club days even exist, but they do. Now, this stuff sounds like you'd expect it to sound, perhaps even better. It IS listenable, after all, and may be very interesting. The examples of live Beatles were very poorly seeded, however, so I gave all but the Cavern Club tapes a pass for now. They'll be back. Much better sounding and far better seeded were the studio gems that I found. Now, there are a lot of things Beatle that I can't get, because so much has been released. Just about every possible bootleg has missing parts because of official release, even if it's just a 10 second sniglet in the Anthology video. Frustrating that is, but what is still out there is very interesting. The first part I'll share is called the Esher Tapes. This was the best seeded boot I found - the torrent has been active for two years already and still had over 50 seeds. This is popular music.  The tapes were recorded after the Beatles famous trip to India, where they went to explore Transcendental Meditation and probably score some hash. The main three writers of the band had been busy in India writing new tunes. When they returned, they all got together at George's house in Esher to lay down the demos. There seems to be a lot of conjecture about why George's house was chosen, since they usually worked on their music at John or Paul's. There are theories regarding John and the boys being unwelcome at John's since Cythia had just caught him with Yoko, theories involving Paul's recent meeting with Linda, and theories about George having the best equipment. Why does anyone care why? They went to George's. He had a four-track. The three of them then spent a week or so seperately recording the tracks that they had written in India. They were able to overdub themselves, so each demo has background vocals and accompaniment, as rough as it may be. While several of these songs were unused, the lion's share of them ended up on the White Album. These recordings are the first ever made of these songs. They were made not only for EMI, but also for the other members of the band to hear. Thus, the first time any Beatle heard a song that another Beatle wrote for the White Album, it was via these very recordings.  Of the original 30 tracks, 20 are still available in the underground. Most of those that didn't make it to the White Album popped up somewhere else later, though in several cases you can see why they didn't make the cut. Many of the ones that did make it were very similar to the finished arrangements, especially Paul's. It still sounds cool to have an acoustic version, though, especially knowing that this is the song's very first realization. Going through it, I selected three songs that stand out - one for each Beatle that was recording in this home session. I'll start with John. This song, called Child of Nature, is one that didn't make the cut, possibly because of a thematic similarity with Paul's Mother Nature's Son. Lennon sure must have liked it, though, because there was a fuller version done during the Let It Be sessions (oh, yeah, I downloaded what's left of that, too). It didn't make the cut then, either. John must have had an earworm for it, though, because it did get used, eventually, with completely different lyrics and a different title. A Beatle or Lennon fan should recognize the melody - do you? If so, you may be surprised at how long that melody had been around.  As I mentioned, the Paul songs were basically all mapped out from the get-go. Adding the other members and tweaking a lyric or two is all they got. This cut, however, is a lot of fun to listen to, because it was obviously a lot of fun to make. Of course, I always got the impression that the Beatles had a great time doing Obla-di, Obli-da. With the pressures that the band was under at the time, this stands out as a sign that they were able to get away from the things that were bothering them (most notably Cynthia Lennon and Paul's soon-to-be-replaced fiance) and get down to the music. This track is also fun to listen to because it's so fucked up. Paul completely botched the mixing of his two tracks, and the synch is quite entertaining to listen to. He still gets the song across, though, and obviously has a lot of fun doing it, and that fun is readily contagious.  I saved the best one for last. The true gem in this musical jewelry box has to be George's While My Guitar Gently Weeps. It is a beautiful, soft, but truly haunting rendition, very folksy and thoughtful where the finished version is heavy and woeful. The lyrics are different. This version is considerably shorter as well, mostly because they didn't have Eric Clapton on hand to do that blistering, wailing guitar solo quite yet. This is the one cut that I had to listen to again as soon as it was finished. I'd like to know what you think of it. It just goes to show - in a library, there's always just a little more shelf room.
Posted at 11:00 am by Joe_the_Troll
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Sunday, November 18, 2007
Posted at 09:59 am by Joe_the_Troll
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Friday, November 16, 2007
I love editing. I edit all the time.There's one writer I prefer to edit on a regular basis.
I find his stuff engaging, witty, all of that good shit, but in need of reigning in a bit. On occasion. Just a little. Bit.
He's that me guy.
Sometimes, what he writes in a comment isn't quite what he meant to say, but I catch that for him. I tweak it a little before I let him hit that "post" button.
Sometimes, what he writes is a little too off-the-cuff. I make sure I take the knee-jerk out for him.
On occasion, he's even responding in anger. Well, there may be a right to. I try to temper his words for him nonetheless.
Sometimes, I can even hold up a post. Especially the long ones, or the ones that my writer starts when he's drunk. Like this one.
I work pretty quickly, too. He just lets me look it over before it's sent. That's all.
I'll fix spelling and grammar. I'll take his foot out of his mouth. I'll make sure that what he writes is what he means to say, and that it speaks diplomatically. I'll make sure all the premises are in the right order and that the conclusion is logical. I'll read the text he's responding to to make sure I think he's interpreted it correctly. I'll double check the whole thing.
I help save him embarrassment. I help him stay out of fights. Mostly, I just keep him from looking like an illiterate buffoon. His typing is for shit.
Best of all, I work for free.
It really is amazing that more people don't use me.
Posted at 10:06 am by Joe_the_Troll
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Thursday, November 15, 2007
The 13 stupidest questions I heard while serving on the grand jury (along with the replies I somehow kept to myself)
1- What time did all this happen? (Oddly enough, car theft is illegal 24/7.)
2- Do you have GPS installed in your truck? (This has what do do with running the old people off the road??)
3- Were there children in the car? (Do you think that if there were children in the car with the crack dealer, the D.A. or the testifying officer might have mentioned that?)
4- Was it snowing at the time? (Does clear weather make it less reckless to drive east on the westbound side of a six-lane highway?)
5- Was there any testimony besides the confession that implicates the target? (WHAAAAT???)
6- Is there a reason you didn't charge him with....(conspiracy, intent to distribute, child endangerment, etc.) (Why yes, there probably is!)
7- Did you test him for DWI? (Well now that you've mentioned it, I'm sure he'll think of it next time.)
8- What was the argument about? (Really, it's the stabbing that matters, isn't it?)
9- Were there any open containers in the car? (I think they might have mentioned that, as well. They like to press charges.)
10- Could he have broken into the room with the children? (I'm sure he could have, but he didn't, so let's not waste time trying to charge him with it, 'kay?)
11- Do you rent the apartment where you were assaulted? (Yes, this question came from a real estate agent. Let's do our prospecting somewhere else, shall we?)
12- Did you see where the blood on his shirt was coming from? (Well, * just going out on a limb here *, but perhaps it came from the bullet hole in his chest?)
13- Can I take this call? (In the middle of hearing testimony? I can't imagine why that would be a problem. Let's just stay on the record, shall we?)
Posted at 12:00 am by Joe_the_Troll
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Tuesday, November 13, 2007
10 things you didn't want to know about me, so blame O'Tim.
1- I hate wearing shoes and socks, and will only do so outside.
2- When I'm sleeping, I must have one foot sticking out of the covers unless it is very cold or Billie is attacking my toes.
3- I play music when I go to sleep, and usually it's a bootleg I've never heard before. I can do that every day if I wish. Then I have to listen to the end of it later, because I fall asleep in the middle.
4- I once put saurkraut on a list of 13 things I would never eat, but I like it now.
5- I still hate bananas. I'm certain I always will.
6- I have 11 gallons of melomel ( mead made with fruit) in my kitchen ready to be bottled.
7- My hair goes halfway down my back.
8- I was almost in a Kim Basinger film, but an astute stagehand got me the fuck out of the way.
9- I can't eat when I first get up. I have to be up a while first. I can drink coffee or tea imediately, however.
10- I have double jointed fingers than can bend in ways that make other people uncomfortable.
Posted at 10:45 am by Joe_the_Troll
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Sunday, November 11, 2007
First, you can scroll down a little and taunt the Asshole of the Month. If you have already taunted him once, you may taunt him a second time.Next, come and see Nat and I, while we discuss the oldest items in our record collections. What dusty old grooves do YOU still have hanging about?
Posted at 10:15 am by Joe_the_Troll
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Saturday, November 10, 2007
 Here's a copyright for you, Princy ol' pal.
Prince is one guy I never had much use for. People push his skills with a guitar at me, I counter that it doesn't matter how well one plays crap. And that's really what I thought of his stuff. I just didn't like it. And on my campus back in Bloomington, it isn't as if I wasn't hearing it. You couldn't go to a party without hearing 1999 or Little Red Corvette. He's an artist I wouldn't have to worry about coming after me, because "stealing" from him wouldn't be worth my bandwidth. That's all been fine until now - after all, I can't like everybody and it's not always their fault - but now he's gone and made an asshole of himself. An electable asshole. In fact, he is the American Asshole for October, 2007!
Are you certain your name shouldn't be "Princess"?
He soundly thrashed the competition for this distinction by picking on our own Eden. It came out that it was His Daintyness himself that found her video - 29 seconds of her young son bopping around the kitchen while a Prince song played on the radio in the background - and had it removed for "copyright violations." He obviously feels that if people hear 29 seconds of one of his songs on the internet, they won't buy the CD. Guess what, fool. I never needed the 29 seconds to arrive at that particular purchasing decision. When his last CD was sold in the Sunday issue of a newspaper,he offended retailers. Now, he's trolling for fans to abuse. Evidently, he figures that anyone who would actually pay for his music must be the enemy. That's a pretty assholey position for an artist to take. What happens if you protect your copyright so much that no one wants to buy the product anymore?  Soon, I will control all the music of the world! BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA!!!
So, not only did the video go back up, but he's contributing to Eden's 15 minutes of fame and looking like a petty shitsack in many news items. He's also gotten his company sued in the process. This whiny little move of his is starting to look like a backfire in process. But don't worry, Prince. Even though I wouldn't even bother stealing your sophomoric tripe, you'll still have some fame no matter what happens. That's because you'll always be one of our American Assholes.
Posted at 12:17 pm by Joe_the_Troll
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Thursday, November 08, 2007
Posted at 08:10 pm by Joe_the_Troll
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